Time Clock
by TigerButterflied
Summary: Sara makes the biggest decision of her life.
1. Chapter 1

Here's the intro to a new (to FFN) fic. This is set sometime in the latter part of 5th season. Think between Sherlock and Grave Danger. They still aren't mine, dagnabitall.

Sara Sidle was sick to death of WAITING. Besides, the ticking really was just too loud to ignore. What she'd seen at the mall two weeks before had turned up the volume, and now she couldn't pretend any more. She needed to decide, because pretty soon no decision was going to equal an outcome she might not want. She sighed and opened the telephone book before her. At times like these a woman needed professional help.

SIX WEEKS LATER

"What's wrong, Sara?"

Small creases formed at the corners of Greg's eyes as he regarded her with concern. She studied him for a moment, weighing her options. She WANTED to tell him. After all, this was HUGE, he was her friend, and she had no one else to tell. She sighed. "Nothing's WRONG."

He didn't reply, just raised his eyebrows and waited, so after a few moments she continued. "Just nervous, I guess."

"Nervous? What are you nervous about?"

And that was the string that would unravel all of it - her entire secret, the one that wasn't going to stay secret for long no matter what she did. She licked her lips and took a deep breath. "In the morning I make the biggest decision of my entire life..."


	2. Chapter 2

Here's another installment. They still don't belong to me. This makes me sad. 

This is set sometime in the latter part of 5th season. Think between Sherlock and Grave Danger.

First few chapters are short, primarily for shock/suspense value.

"In the morning I make the biggest decision of my life."

My heart dropped to my knees at her words. Someone had asked her to marry him, and she was seriously considering it.

She swallowed hard and began again, her voice soft. "I'm, um, I'm 36 years old." She looked away from me. This was not going to be good. She wouldn't even look at me. "There are life decisions a woman can't just put off indefinitely. At some point indecision BECOMES a decision, no matter how much you wish that wasn't the case."

She went silent, so I nodded encouragement. "I'm, uh, not in any kind of romantic relationship now, haven't been for a couple of years." Huh? "I realized a couple of months ago that a window of opportunity is going to soon close for me, and I'd never even seriously thought about what that might cost me. I've always wanted children, always thought someday I'd meet someone, get married, you know. But it suddenly hit me just how little time I might have left for that." She looked down at the table. "I went to the doctor. The fertility doctor. I've decided to have a baby, and in the morning I'm going to Dr. Ross's office to pick the father."

A wave of nausea rolled over me as finally understanding hit me like a freight train. Sara wanted a baby. In the morning she'd select her donor, and soon her belly would swell with a baby. Someone else's baby. I shook my head and closed my eyes. "No, Sara. Don't do it."

Her mouth tightened. "I'd hoped you'd understand. Greg, I want this. I WANT a baby. "

I stared at her for a few moments. "Then have one."

"But you just said..."

I shook my head. "Have a baby - but not some stranger's child." I took a deep breath. "Sara, I'm perfectly healthy. I have an IQ of 170 and about as healthy a family history as you could ask for. Past that, I can give your baby something your doctor's Popsicles can't - a daddy."


	3. Chapter 3

Sara blanched and simply sat there gaping at me for a few moments. Well, at least I had her attention. Now I had to make my case. "I always thought I'd be married with a kid or two by this age," I said softly. "I want a child, too. I'd be a good father, Sara. If you, you know, go with your original plan the baby won't have a father at all."

"It'll have me." Her mouth seemed to be working again.

"And you'll be a great mother. But you can't be a Daddy. Now, I'm not perfect, but can you truthfully say your child would be better off with no father than with me?"

She bit her lip but didn't reply. Evidently she saw my point. "I can and will be there for you, for both of you."

"And what happens when you meet someone and fall in love, get married?"

I was not about to tell her I was ALREADY in love, with HER, so I shrugged. "The same thing that happens every time a single parent goes into a relationship. Parenthood continues."

She arched her brow. "You really need to think long and hard about this, Greg. Your impulsive, very kind offer could seriously fuck things up for you later on. If I were to decide to take you up on... on your offer, you'd be bound to this child forever - and to me as well, because having a baby together is a bond that never ends. "

I smiled at the irony. "And if you adhere to your original plan and go with an anonymous donor, you'll also be making a permanant, irrevocable decision - the decision to have a child completely alone. Have you really thought about what that means? In fifteen, twenty years, when she wants to know who her father is, what will you say? You won't even have a photo to give her, Sara. And suppose, just suppose her kidneys fail - no paternal side to go to for help there, just little old you, and if she inherits the donor's tissue type she's seriously screwed. What about when you're both sick? Who will take care of you? And if something happens to you, what happens to her?"

She shook her head. "You need to give this a lot of thought, Greg."

I'd been thinking about her having my baby for five years, but this definitely wasn't the time to share that bit of info. "So do you," I said softly. "Choose me and your baby gets more than a father; she gets grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles. YOU get a second parent who can help you with parenting, and someone to lean on when things get rough. I'm here for you as a friend whatever you decide, Sara, but if you take me up on this you won't have to parent alone. I would hope you know me well enough to realize that I keep my promises."

She was silent for several minutes. "I'll think about it. You think about it to. In one week we'll talk."

I smiled tightly. "Sounds like a plan." 


	4. Chapter 4

I have for you another installment. Oh yeah.

The following week was the longest I could remember. Sara was unusually quiet, but several times I looked up and noticed her staring at me. What was she thinking, I wondered? Was she imagining what our child would look like, or was she trying to figure out how to tell me she'd decided on Frosty to father her child? Finally, though, seven days had passed, and we sat on opposite sides of her narrow kitchen table. She smiled nervously at me, her expression uncertain. "So. Have you thought about it?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yes, and my offer stands."

"I was half-expecting you'd tell me you'd changed your mind."

"Quite the opposite. I'm more convinced than ever that I'm your best choice."

She took a deep breath. "Then I guess we're going to have a baby together."

"YES!" Without thinking I grabbed her into a hug. "I am so excited! We're going to have a baby!"

She grinned. "You really want this, don't you?"

"I do. We're going to have the smartest, prettiest baby. Just you wait!" There were some MAJOR details to be worked out, like how we were going to concieve our child - I had some fairly compelling suggestions on that one - and whether she'd agree to sharing a household once it was born, but she had picked me! I was happier than I could ever remember.

scenechangescenechangescenechangescenechange

"So the AI procedure is going to run about $1500 to $2000 per cycle, and there's about a fifty percent chance it'll take longer than six months?" I looked over at Sara, who looked like she was about to cry. I took her hand.

The doctor nodded. "That takes into account her hormone monitoring, gathering and testing your specimens, and of course the actual AI procedures. I like to do 3 a cycle. It's not cheap, and as you both know your insurance won't pay."

"So what are her infertility factors?"

The doctor frowned. "What do you mean? Ms. Sidle isn't an infertility patient, merely one who wishes to have a baby while she's still fertile. That could be for another decade or more, although at her age you're wise to start trying now."

Sara was staring hard at me. I looked first at her, then at the doctor. "So what you're saying is that basically she can get pregnant without medical intervention, provided she's, well, exposed at the right points in her cycle."

The doctor nodded. "If your fertility is normal, quite probably."

"Is the likelihood of success any higher with the AI?"

He shrugged. "If you're diligent in doing what you need to do on the right days, not significantly. May happen a little sooner, but not necessarily."

I looked at Sara. "I think we need to discuss this."

She nodded. "It would appear."

"Very well. Just give me a call once you decide how you'd like to do this."

Sara was gripping the steering wheel. "I don't have the money for even three cycles. I never dreamed it would be so much."

I forced my voice to be even. "Poor people have been having babies ever since the dawn of time, Sara. I'm up for whatever you decide, but it seems like the logical way to go would be to start with a more natural approach. You've already been charting temps; if I start exposing you around day 6, then continue every day or two until four days after your temp spikes we'll know the soldiers are there when they're needed." She was silent. "I, um, I know you probably don't want to, but it wouldn't be so bad. I'm not as bad at it as you think. "

She chuckled. "I'm sure you're not bad at it at all, Greg. This is just unexpected."

I put my hand on her cheek. "Hey, if you don't want to I'll understand. I have some money saved. I was going to put it in a college fund for the baby, but if you'd rather keep this as a medical procedure I can throw in three months' worth, maybe four."

She sighed and shook her head. "Since you're okay with it the sensible thing to do would be to try mother nature for a bit first."

Okay with it. If she only knew. I nodded. "Okay. Well, what day of your cycle is this?"

"Three. So we need to get together in three days."

I hoped she couldn't hear my heart racing. "Yeah, that'd be right." I smiled at her, probably with all the sophistication and charm of a thirteen-year-old boy with a crush. "You never know. You might, you might even like it."


	5. Chapter 5

Here's chapter 4 - little short, but pretty eventful.. Call it an R for adult themes, though I'm going for more emotional than graphic here. 

Three days passed, and I was in my living room lighting the last of the candles. They burned in every room of the apartment, bathing my humble residence in a warm glow. I hoped Sara would find it comfortable and inviting. This was going to be sex with a purpose, but it was still our first time together, and I wanted to make it special. I had never, ever been this nervous in my entire life. I could only hope and pray she had at least some feelings for me, because I couldn't imagine anything more painful than finally getting to touch her and having my caresses leave her entirely unmoved, or worse, repulsed. Great, now I hadn't thought to worry about that. Suppose the idea of sex with me actually grossed her out? How would I go on if she pulled back and told me she was sorry, but she just couldn't, not with me? She was the woman I loved, after all. We were going to have a baby together, and I was very hopeful that she would eventually come to love me as more than a friend.

A soft knock interrupted my racing thoughts. "Come in," I called out, and the door slowly opened.

"Hi."

I returned her nervous smile. "Hi. Um, would you like something to drink - some orange juice, or maybe a glass of gingerale?"

"Ginger ale would be nice." She sat on the edge of my sofa. "This is - this is so awkward."

I handed her a tall glass of soda. "Yes, but we have to remember several important things." I slowly sat next to her. "We've been friends a long time. This is just me, Sara. You know me. First times are always scary, but once we get acclimated it'll be more comfortable. Also, we're doing this for our child, who won't get to exist if we don't."

"You're nervous, too." She smiled and put her hand on my cheek, right next to the scar on my neck. "You're blushing."

"Yeah, well, contrary to lab rumor I'm no womanizing Casanova. It's been longer than you think." I swallowed hard and scooted closer to her. "You smell so good." I nuzzled her neck. "Oh, Sara..." I felt her pulse flutter against my lips, and I couldn't resist snaking out my tongue to taste her sweet-smelling skin.

She let out a sound that was somewhere between a moan and a whimper and buried her hands in my hair. Evidently she liked that, so I kept going with the neck theme. Oh, yeah, she DID like that, liked it a lot because as I moved from tentative licks and nuzzling to sucking and gentle bites she was doing that whimpering moan continuously. So much for my fears; I was barely past first base, and the lady wasn't exactly indifferent, not by a long shot.

I pulled back, realizing in an instant I hadn't even gotten to kiss her yet. She was flushed and rumpled, the very embodiment of my fantasies, and now I was going to kiss her like I'd been wanting to for the last five years. Her lips were soft under mine, and when I deepened the kiss she was kissing me back. Nerves were forgotten, my blood becoming hot lava as her tongue slipped into my mouth and sought my own. "I think I might like to see your bedroom," she whispered against my mouth.

I led her into my room and smiled as she sat on my bed. "You're so beautiful," I whispered.

"I'm not." She looked away for a moment, then back at me. "Come here."

I sat down next to her and pulled her into my arms. "You're sure you want this?"

She smiled slightly. "Yeah, I'm sure."

In silence we undressed, and with quiet reverence we explored each other's newly-bared secrets. With lips and hands and body I finally gave her the love I'd never had the courage to speak of, and when she cried out my name at the fiery end I knew she felt more for me than I had ever dared hope. In the aftermath I held her to my heart and wondered just where this strange and beautiful journey would take us.


	6. Chapter 6

For the next three weeks Sara and I had a standing every-other-day 'appointment.' Usually she would bring her clothes and stay over afterward, sleeping curled under my arm until it was time to get up and get ready for work. This morning was no exception. 

I was in the kitchen making coffee when I heard her come out of the bathroom. I watched her as she walked toward me, her expression far from happy. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "I, um, I just started." She looked like she was about to cry, so without thinking I pulled her into my arms.

"It's okay," I said softly. "Only 10 of couples conceive their first cycle of trying. We'll just keep trying until it happens. It might take a while. Over half of fertile couples take longer than six months, remember? Don't worry. I'm committed to this for as long as it takes."

She sniffed loudly. "I know. I guess I just got my hopes up."

"I'm a little bummed out too, but Sara, if we keep trying it will happen. Both of have been checked, and everything's in order. We just have to be patient." I kissed the top of her head. "I want this baby, too, you know."

scenechangescenchangescenechangescenechange

I took the steps up to my apartment two at a time. Sara wasn't far behind me, and I wanted everything to be just right when she let herself in. It was day six, the beginning of our second attempt, and this time I was a lab rat armed for battle. I took out the ovulation test kit with a smile. "Yes, Ms. Sidle; somebody's going to be calling us Mama and Daddy pretty soon. You're going to be very happy in a few weeks if I have anything to do with it."

I had coffee brewed, breakfast cooked, and all the dirty dishes washed by the time her key turned the lock. "Sara! Just in time for breakfast. I baked muffins."

"They smell great. YOU baking muffins, though; that's a little unexpected."

I shrugged. "I'm a man of many talents."

She chuckled. "I can't argue with that."

"So, I've been thinking - maybe if we added just a little technology to this we could maximize our chances of making this a month to celebrate. To that end I have gotten an ovulation test kit. It tells when you're ABOUT to ovulate, rather than the temperature chart which simply indicates you've already done so. "

She smiled and nodded. "Good idea, Greg!"

"That way, when we know show time is imminent we can up our schedule to every day."

She took a bite of her muffin. "Might want to do that anyway, at least when I'm close to the point when I usually ovulate. The charts show I've been going on day thirteen or fourteen, so if we start getting together daily around day ten, maybe keep that up until day eighteen... just if you're up to it."

If I'm up to it. She just had no idea, did she? "Maybe even start on day eight and keep up the daily schedule until day twenty, just to make sure."

She nodded. "If that works for you, it's probably a good idea."

"You might want to bring over some clothes and stuff since you'll be staying here every day. It'll save you some time in the long run - just if you want, that is."

"Yeah, that'd probably be a good idea."

"Want another muffin?"

She shook her head. "No thanks. I guess it's time for us to start thinking about turning in, don't you think?" She bit her lower lip and smiled.

My heart hammered. We both knew what was coming next. "Yeah, I, uh, that'd probably be a good idea."

"Let's go, then..."


	7. Chapter 7

TimeClockVI Sara's Voice

It was day 30, and still no period. This was especially encouraging considering that both my temp charts and the ovulation predictor kit assured me that I had in fact ovulated on day 13. Greg was giddy, and on our way home he stopped and bought a test kit.

"Sample," he said with a smile as he extended the cup.

Fortunately I had to pee, so providing a sample wasn't really a problem. I handed him the sample and sat back and watched him go into lab rat mode. Three minutes later he whooped. "It's - it's - we're - YES!" He grabbed me into a tight bear hug. "We're going to have a baby," he whispered in wonder, stroking my cheek. He swooped down and kissed me. "You're having my baby, Sara." He placed his hand on my flat belly. "I can't believe it! There's a baby in there!"

"I'm in shock. I guess I need to call the doctor."

He was still grinning. "Yeah. You do. And I need to get off my ass and buy my lady some very cool maternity clothes."

I laughed. "Um, Greg, I appreciate the thought, but I won't be needing those for three or four more months."

"Oh." He frowned for a moment and then broke into a grin again. "36 weeks left, Sara." His expression was one of almost manic joy. "We have a lot of planning to do - and a lot of details to take care of."

"And eight months to take care of them."

"We have to figure out a hospital, get registered for childbirth classes, get the crib and all the little baby clothes and stuff..." He swallowed hard. "We also have to figure out living arrangements, too. We both have one-bedroom apartments." He took a deep breath. "I know we haven't talked about this or anything, but I was thinking we could maybe go together and rent a two-bedroom, maybe even a small house with a yard."

I spun to look at him. "You mean live together?"

He nodded. "It'll make things a lot easier."

"And a lot more complicated."

He shrugged. "I think we created the complicated part when we decided to become parents together." He licked his lips. "Look, we've been pretty much doing the living together thing the last couple of months. It's been working, really well actually. When the baby comes we'll be glad we made the decision."

I nodded slowly. "A house with a yard, you said?"

He grinned. "Yeah. I was looking through the ads during break, and I found one you're going to love..."

The next few weeks passed in a whirlwind. I had my first OB check, complete with transvaginal ultrasound. Greg, who was so excited that our co-workers were beginning to think he was on drugs, was a man on a mission. Every day off we spent checking out potential new homes. He evidently took this living together thing pretty seriously; most of the places we were looking at were for sale. The implied permanance of this probably should've scared me, but it didn't. After all, I had one very permanant and lasting bond with Greg already growing inside me already. 


	8. Chapter 8

Eight weeks later, I carried the last box into our new home. "This one for the kitchen?" 

She shook her head. "No, that one goes in our bedroom." OUR bedroom - my pulse quickened, and I shot her a suggestive leer as I headed in that direction.

She was twelve weeks pregnant, now beginning her second trimester, starting to show just a bit. I was erotically fascinated with her changing body - from the burgeoning tummy to the changing coloration of her swollen breasts, as kinky as this sounds I was turned on by all of it. And now we were officially living together. Not the chummy-roommates kind of cohabition, either. Nope, this was a full-fledged bedroom-sharing significant-other type shackup, and I fully intended for it to last forever. I set the box on my bed - OUR bed now - and headed back to the living room to begin unpacking.

"What are we doing about supper?"

I shrugged. "We could go out, or we COULD order a pizza and have our first dinner here in our new home."

She smiled at me, her expression a little shy. "Dinner in sound good." She sighed. "I need to start putting together the kitchen."

I chuckled. "You do that, and I'll start on our bedroom." I took her hands in mine. "This IS going to work. Don't think for a moment it isn't."

She pressed her face against my chest. "I can't believe this is really happening."

I wrapped my arms around her. "I know. Neither can I."

"We're going to have to file changes of address and contact numbers at work when we get back, you know." Her voice was tense.

"And Grissom will immediately notice that we now share the same address and home phone. Does that bother you?" I tried hard to keep my voice even, but an ugly edge of anger shined through despite my best effort.

"I just hope he doesn't get ugly about it."

I hugged her close. "He won't. We'll tell him together, about the move and about the baby. We're adults, and what happens between us is none of his damn business."

"We're on his team. We work together. We're now living together and I'm pregnant. He isn't going to be a happy camper, Greg. "

"WE'RE having a baby - not just you. Sara, there's a married couple on day shift. They're both CSI's, and they work together every day. Grissom is dating Sofia Curtis. We aren't doing anything wrong. And you knew when you decided to have a baby that Griss wouldn't exactly be bubbling up with joy over the blessed event. He doesn't get the concept of having a personal life, let alone a family." I chuckled. "He won't like the fact that we're together, but if he gets all alpha about it I can give him back as good as he sends."

She smirked. "You're not exactly an alpha kind of guy, Greg."

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "Disparaging my manhood, Sara? I'm hurt."

"No, I'm doing nothing of the sort. You're plenty male; you just aren't into control games and having your own way all the time. I probably wouldn't be here if you were."

"So you aren't wishing I'd start pissing in all the corners to mark my territory?"

"No, I really do like you better housebroken. Besides, you do that quite effectively with dirty laundry." She handed me a laundry basket full of our folded undergarments. "Speaking of which, here's some of your CLEAN laundry to put away."

"Thank you, my dear. I shall go and attend to my appointed task this very moment." I bowed in as courtly a manner as I could, considering I was gripping a plastic basket full of boxer shorts and panties.

"My hero - Greg, the knight of underthings."

"Scoff not, for underthings keep our outerthings fresh and free of skidmarks." And with that, I made my manly way to put some drawers in some drawers.


	9. Chapter 9

Characters aren't mine. 

One week later 8:15 AM Greg's voice

Shift was over, and we were finally home. "Well, at least he didn't yell." I handed Sara a steaming cup of decaf as I spoke. "That's something."

She sighed. "Yet. Once he recovers from his catatonic state he still might." Sara took a sip from her cup and frowned thoughtfully. "He had the strangest look on his face."

"Yeah. Gotta say, I've never seen the man truly astonished before. It was surreal, like watching Spock have a temper tantrum. "

"Nick still thinks we're joking, you know that, right?"

"Don't worry, Sara. When you start to REALLY swell up he'll realize we weren't kidding." I patted her little belly. "Such a sexy little tummy. "

"It's going to be getting a lot bigger. Glad you like it, though, since it IS all your fault." She winced and rubbed her lower back.

"Oh, I like it very much. Very much. Every time I look at you I remember that in just seven months I'm going to get to hold that baby in there in my arms."

She yawned. "I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed before I fall asleep sitting up."

"You do that. I won't be far behind you."

12:23 PM

"Greg! Wake up! Something's wrong."

Sara was sitting up, her eyes wide with panic and despair. She was gripping her abdomen. "It hurts. We have to go to the hospital."

I threw on some jeans and was putting on my T-shirt when I glanced at her side of the bed. My heart contracted in grief, for dark blood stained the spot where her hips had rested. In this situation as in so many others, blood usually meant tragedy. This day wasn't likely to have a happy ending.

Eight hours later our world had utterly changed. Our baby was gone, and a D and C had freed Sara's body from the agonizing process of expelling the remains. As I'd expected, there were no reasons, no whys or hows. I knew too well from my genetics background that the process of growing a baby from two haploid cells was fraught with difficulty and risk. At any point something in the development could go wrong - or the placenta could fail the child it existed to nurture, or the cord could twist and occlude its own precious lifeline. Whatever the cause, we no longer had a due date to look forward to. The obstetrician told us we could try again in a month, but I wasn't sure she'd be interested in doing so, at least not with me. My heart was breaking as I signed the necessary paperwork and prepared to take my Sara home. The center of our little world had died, and we were left to gather enough strength from one another to go on. I only hoped there was still an "us" now that the glue fusing us together was no longer present.

Sara's voice 12:24 PM

I was dreaming about puppies when the first pain hit. It gripped my belly like a jagged fist, and even as I sat up in the bed a sick sense of what it meant flowed over me. My lower back had been bothering me on and off since halfway through shift the night before, but I'd attributed the nagging ache to too much time spent hunched over a box of evidence. Now as I shook Greg awake I knew what was happening. I was having a miscarriage.

I hobbled into the bathroom and traded my pajamas for the clothes I'd worn to work the night before. I was bleeding, and not just a little bit - yet another confirmation of the tragedy unfolding inside my own body.

Greg was dressed by the time I came out of the bathroom. He didn't say anything, just wrapped his arms around me and pressed his face into my hair. His tears dripped onto my neck, and a felt a small sob shake him. My arms tightened around him, and we stood like that until another pain hit me. "We need to go," I gasped sharply.

At the hospital things moved quickly. The ultrasound revealed that my baby was no longer alive, and the physical revealed that my cervix was beginning to open. "The child probably died a few days ago," mused the doctor as I lay in the recovery room after the D and C. "Your body just now realized it." He'd paused, then added softly, "I know this was a planned pregnancy. Wait one full cycle before you try again. Since you've had a D and C it might take a few months this time. We scraped your uterine lining, and it may take a couple of cycles for it to regrow."

I was released into Greg's care shortly after that. Neither of us said much during the drive home, but when his hand found mine and lifted it to his lips at a stoplight I realized that was because we didn't need words.

I realized something else as well. Somewhere along the way I'd fallen in love with him.

Please don't hate me. This story has a mind of its own.Understand that I am in no way minimizing or reducing to a plot device the pain of pregnancy loss. I've lived it twice myself.


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry this is so long in coming, but I've had a major case of writer's block combined with precious little free time. Alas, they are still not mine... 

Late that night

Sara's voice

When we got home I leaned heavily on Greg's arm as I wobbled from the car to the house. Thankfully he had called Grissom from the hospital and told him what was going on. We both had the rest of the week off, with my return date left open.

"Nick wants to stop by tomorrow, " Greg said later as we sat curled together on the couch. "I told him we'd give him a call later after I talked to you. I didn't know if you were up to company." He stroked my hair, his expression unreadable. "Are we going to try again?" His voice was anxious.

"I'd like to," I whispered. "What... what are your thoughts?"

"I want us to have a baby, but I want you to be ready first, mentally and physically. I'll wait for however long it takes for you to feel up to it. You're my first priority, Sara. You should know that."

"I've never been anyone's first priority," I whispered, fighting tears. "Never. For most of my life I haven't even made anyone's list, let alone been at the top of it."

He pulled me to his chest. "You've been at the top of mine for a very long time," he said softly. "You can't have not known."

I pulled my face from his shirt and looked into his eyes. "How could I know?" He was silent. "Why?"

He sighed, then raised his hand to cup my cheek. "Because I love you," he said quietly. "Very much. More than anything."

"I love you too," I said quietly, then pulled him into a kiss.

Greg's voice

Later that night she slept with her head pillowed on my shoulder. I thought of how we now had something we hadn't had before, how we'd opened our hearts in our pain and found that each of us really had what the other needed. I thought of the first tender flowers that bloomed in the ashes below Mount St. Helen's, cropping up between the twisted remains of cars, springing from the soil where the unlucky drivers had been standing right before they got vaporized. I thought of the child we would never get to hold, at least on this side of eternity. No matter how many children we had, I had a feeling that this sense of loss would remain, like the vague nagging ache in my shoulder where the scar tissue was just a little too tight and thick. We would heal, the pain would fade, but the scars would always be tender.

I pressed my face into Sara's hair and hugged her to me. 'She loves me,' I thought with wonder, 'ME, not some steroidally-enhanced generically-handsome jock in a Ferrari, but ME - weird, skinny Greg Sanders, butt of all jokes, generally considered unworthy of being taken seriously.'

Now I have my more impressive qualities - hip, smart as hell, entertaining, fairly nice-looking, very up on music, and a damn fine dresser - but most of my romantic forays have ended at the starting line, with me asking the lady out and her telling me she'd rather just be friends. Yeah,there have been some one-night stands and short affairs, even a couple of relationships, but I was never one of those guys the girls can't keep their hands off. Not like Nick, who has women slipping phone numbers into his pockets and deliberately seducing him. I'm a different kind of guy. Despite all that, I somehow managed to win the heart of the most amazing woman in Nevada. I sighed. We had a lot to work through, but we had each other. With time, that would be enough.


	11. Chapter 11

Still not mine... 

Sara's voice

The healing began. A month passed, then five more, and we still hadn't started trying. We were intimate again within a week, and we made love almost every day. We weren't using protection, but gone were the graphs and the ovulation tests and the counting of days. We took life as it happened, and as the days passed we grew closer. We were a real couple, and we wrapped ourselves in our home and each other and simply savored the journey.

Then I started throwing up.

Greg just pulled a box from his underwear drawer. "You're pregnant," he said with a smile. "It's not just the throwing up. You haven't had a period in a while, and you're getting that look again."

"You're tracking my menses here, Greg? That's a little weird even for you."

He shrugged. "We live together. When you get your period, I don't get any attention. Not that I'm complaining, but I haven't had to experience the Special Loneliness for long enough that I know you have GOT to be really late." He handed me the box. "Piss in the cup, love, and Swami will tell your future."

I obliged, and three minutes later he stepped out of the bathroom wearing a smile. "Someone needs to visit her doctor."

I took a deep breath and put my hand over my belly. We hadn't even had to try this time.

Greg's voice

The doctor's visit was a familiar drill - exam, instructions, ultrasound - and the verdict was pregnant, everything fine, about twelve weeks along. I was happy, but the memory of what had happened before made me anxious as well. "So, what do you think?" I asked her as we drove home from the appointment. "We never really decided to go for it again."

She shrugged. "Yeah, but we both know what babies come from, and we've been doing quite a lot of that. Of course I'm happy, but just a little scared. It still seems unreal, you know? Before, we thought about it, planned, and we had all this energy attached to the effort. This time just happened. It was too easy."

"Nature taking her course." I smirked. "All your fault, for being so hot I couldn't keep my hands off you. Now I've gone and gotten you knocked up. I would apologize, but I'm not sorry, so I won't. Have I ever told you how utterly fucking sexy you are when you're pregnant? "

She shook her head and smiled. "Tell me that again in six months, when my belly is the size of a beach ball, my ankles are swollen and I can't even see my own feet."

"Oh, I will. I'll rub your ankles, even tie your shoes for you." I looked her up and down meaningfully. "I'll perform other services as well. Want details?"

"You're a perv, Greggo."

"And you love me for it."

"We should wait a bit before we tell everyone, don't you think?" She sighed. "After last time I'm so scared something's going to go wrong. "

"I know, me too, but the odds are in our favor."

"They were in our favor last time, and look what happened."

I put my hand over hers. "This time will be different, I really believe it will..."

The next two months passed slowly. We were busy at work, but Sara was tired most of the time. The morning sickness initially occurred so often she had trouble keeping anything down, but it passed within a few weeks. We hadn't told the others yet, but she was definitely showing, her round little pregnant belly jutting proudly for all to see, and they weren't blind. They were patient, however, waiting for us to choose our time, not taking that from us with questions. Time passed, edged nervously on past the halfway point.

The first time it happened we were sitting on the sofa eating breakfast, gearing ourselves down before heading for bed. "Greg!"

I looked at her, here eyes wide and startled, and a wave of panic threatened to overtake me. "Nothing bad," she said with a smile, then grabbed my hand and placed it on her belly. "There. Feel that?"

A faint thump, then another. "That's the baby. That's him!" Either that, or she had some major intestinal parasites.

She grinned. "Now it feels real," she said with a sigh. "Tonight, we tell them."

I smiled and pulled her close. Maybe this time we would get our happy ending.


	12. Chapter 12

Here's another chapter. They aren't mine, yadda yadda etc. 

Greg's story

(Stating the obvious)

I told Grissom the news myself that night. He didn't seem terribly surprised this time - after all, we were living together, and we'd already lost a child together. Besides, she was already showing. He just nodded and sighed, then looked away from me for a few moments. "I see," he said quietly. "I have a question for you, Greg. Answer it honestly."

"Okay."

"Have these... " He shook his head. "Did you and Sara do this deliberately?"

"Yes, we did." My voice was steady, and my eyes defiantly held his gaze as I spoke. "This baby is very much loved and wanted, by both of us."

"I see." He smiled slightly. "Then I offer you my congratulations."

Warrick just grinned. "Thank you for telling us, Greg. We had noticed that."

"I shouldn't have had to figure it out for myself, though, G." Nick's voice was sad. "You should have told me sooner."

I sighed. "Nick, after what happened before Sara wanted to wait until we were a little farther along this time. You know what she went through."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I do. You too, man; it wasn't easy for you either. How far are you guys?"

"Twenty weeks."

He grinned broadly. "Halfway there. I'm happy for you man. " He slapped me on the shoulder. "Gonna be a long five months."

Sara's version

(The power of love)

By week twenty-six I was very obviously pregnant. By week thirty I was sporting the new wardrobe Greg had been so eager to buy for me. We were starting childbirth classes the following week , and my maternity leave would begin three weeks later. I sat on the bed next to Greg looking over my policy book; he rubbed my aching feet as I studied. "Yes! Here it is... twelve week paid maternity leave." I smiled triumphantly. "And I have twenty weeks of accrued sick leave and vacation saved up."

"And the handbook specifically allows for you to take up to a year unpaid extended maternity leave after the baby is born." He grinned at me. "You shouldn't have to go back until you and our child are ready for it. I make enough to take care of the bills."

I giggled as I noticed his hands migrating upward. Our sex life hadn't dwindled as my belly swelled. Far from it - he was sexually fascinated by the changes in my body. "You're a horn dog, Greg."

"Your fault." He felt me up as he spoke. "Seven years ago you cast a spell on me, and I'm powerless before you. It would be inhumane to deny me the comfort of yourself, Sara. I know you're far too kind a woman to ever do that to me..."

"That... oh, that tickles..."

"Mmmmhmmmm... I love you..."

I sighed. "I love you too..."

Greg's version

(A man with class)

So there we were at the Bradley class, Sara on her back on the floor, me holding her hand. Seven other couples were spread out around us, rounded bellies everywhere, a virtual sea of gestation. Most were at about the same point in pregnancy as us. A couple ladies looked like they were ready to pop. We were a varied group, ranging in age from Rebekah, a fourteen-year-old girl in her thirty-seventh week whose birth partner, her mother, was not much older than me, to Mary, a lady in her mid to late 40's who had thrown away her birth control pills just a little sooner than she should have. "And my oldest son just graduated from college," she said with a smile. "I'm due in ten weeks." Her husband Bill, a balding, heavyset man in his 50's who somehow reminded me of Al Robbins just grinned. "I still have what it takes," he said with a smirk. "No Viagra involved."

"You, in thirty years," breathed Sara. "You would say that."

"You're right; I would," I whispered back. "But when I'm 50 you'll be 55, so I probably won't get the chance."

The introductions continued. We met Valerie, a nervous, pinch-faced lawyer, and her husband Josh, who was some sort of bigwig at the bank; they were twenty-six weeks along with their second child, and they were hesitant to come within two feet of one another. Both looked to be in their early thirties. Erin, a sweet-faced teacher in her twenties whose electrician husband Peter's ponytail and tattoos were a wild contrast to her prim Sunday-school looks had no such issues; they held hands and beamed at one another throughout the class. They were expecting their first child, due a week ahead of us. LaShonda and Eric, both doctors, were thirty-six weeks with baby number five, and from the whispers and giggles and touches they exchanged I could see why. David and Maria were both twenty, first-time parents, thirty weeks along, both very quiet and shy. Dan, a cop in his mid-thirties, looked eerily like Nick Stokes. His wife Amber was about ten years younger than him, and they were also having their first baby. They were in week thirty-one also.

Now it was our turn. I looked at Sara, who cleared her throat. "Hi, I'm Sara, and this is Greg. We're criminalists for the Las Vegas Police Department. We're about thirty-one weeks along."

"First baby," I added with a grin, and hugged her to me. "It's going to be a long nine weeks."

The class was pretty basic - we already knew the mechanics of birth, and the subjective parts could only be learned through experience. We did the breathing and focusing stuff, and I told her I loved her and massaged her hands and feet. Then we all gathered up our pillows and blankets and bags and water bottles and dismissed until the next class. When we got homewe watched "Birth Stories" on Discovery Health. I rubbed her belly and smiled at the answering thump. "We're getting close," I said softly, kissing her tummy. "I can't wait to meet you."

Sara gave me a sleepy smile. "I'm excited, but scared."

"The delivery?"

"No, not that. It's just, I guess I'm just realizing that everything's going to change. We're going to be totally responsible for another human being. Suppose we mess up?"

"We won't mess up, Sara. Yes, we'll make mistakes, but we're going to be good parents. Look, some hard-core stupid people have children, and somehow they manage to keep them alive and turn them into functioning members of society. We're going to be doing our best. We'll be good at this. I promise."

She sighed. "I hope so, Greg. I really hope so..."


	13. Chapter 13

Yet another installment. This one's just a touch AU - you'll see what I mean when you get to that part... hint of implied C/W in here as well. 

Sara's story

(Grounded and homebound)

Week thirty-two, and Grissom had finally pulled me from field work. "You can process evidence here. We can't have you going into labor out there, Sara. If your water were to break you'd completely contaminate the crime scene."

I was more concerned about the baby than the crime scene, but he had a point. It was only for two weeks, after all, and my aching back would appreciate a break from all the legwork. I was going to miss working with Greg, but I had him to myself at home, so I could live with it. And so it was that night after night I lurked around the lab processing while my colleagues brought me evidence from their crime scenes. The steadily increasing crime rate and new regulations limiting overtime had forced Ecklie's hand, and at long last he had hired four more CSI's - one for nightshift, one for swing, two for days. This amounted to a welcome new freedom from excessive overtime for everybody. One of the dayshift newcomers would fill in during my leave, then move to days when I returned.

Our second childbirth class came and went, then our third. Rebekah the teenager was no longer with us as she had delivered the night before - several of us rubbed our swollen bellies and sighed enviously at the announcement - and LaShonda even snorted. "Lucky girl," she shot at no one in particular. "I'm Most Pregnant now, but don't worry - I'll probably deliver at the end of week 42."

The week passed, and my leave began. Greg painted the baby's room, and Catherine's gift of a full set of baby furniture, Lindsay's, was soon set up and waiting. "You should have everything ready," she said a few days later as she helped me install the bumpers and make the bed. "You're 35 weeks, and the further along you are, the less you feel like doing. You know, you're full-term at 38 weeks, not 40."

I sighed. "I know. The time's going to creep now that I'm out of work."

"In a few weeks it will all be over. Keep reminding yourself of that." She looked at the crib and smiled fondly. "I remember when Sam Braun got this for Lindsay. Eddie was too busy with his own concerns to be troubled with setting it up, so Sam did that as well. Now Lindsay is twelve, and I'm wondering where the time went."

I put my hand on Catherine's arm. "Thank you, Catherine."

"Thank YOU, for making Greg happy. He deserves to be loved." She closed her eyes. "After the lab explosion, Greg and I got closer. I realized just how much he felt for you, just how much vulnerability rested under all the jokes and posturing. He's a great guy, and a dear friend. I was afraid you'd never give him a chance."

"Greg's full of surprises. He's an amazing man. He makes me happy, too, and that is no small accomplishment. Maybe one day I'll tell you just how it all happened." I straightened the handmade quilt on the rail of the crib as I spoke. "It's quite a story."

"I can believe that. It would have to be, for our little field mouse to entrance you after all these years of disinterest."

I smiled. "Makes you wonder what other surprises fate might have in her hand, doesn't it? How's Warrick?"

"He's okay. " She raised an eyebrow and shot me a look beyond lethal. "You saw him last week."

"He still dating that girl he was going out with - Gina, was it?"

Catherine sighed. "No, after he barely escaped that weirdo who tried to grab him in the parking lot he had a lot on his mind. He killed a man, Sara. Even though he didn't have any choice that's a lot to deal with, and Tina ultimately couldn't handle it."

"You two have been closer since then, haven't you?"

Catherine shrugged. "I've been there myself, so yes, it's brought us closer."

I snickered. "And?"

"And we're good friends." She shook her head and looked away.

"Like Greg and I are good friends."

"Not yet." She shifted uneasily.

I laughed. "Relax, Catherine. I'm not going to tell anyone. People in glass houses and all that."

"Sara, I'm curious about something. You can tell me it's none of my business if you want and you'll be right. "

I tensed. "What do you want to know?"

"How long have you and Greg been, you know?"

I smiled slightly and looked away. "About a year and a half."

I saw her face cloud as she did the math in her head. "Oh." She looked at me expectantly. Apparently she was hoping for an explanation.

I took a deep breath. I wasn't going to lie, but the entire story was not something I cared to share with her. She would never, ever understand. "We never, um, we never really just dated."

She smiled. "Started out intense, I take it? Eddie and I were like that. He came home with me one night, and he never left."

I chuckled. "With Greg, we, um, we already knew each other, so we had that out of the way. We were close friends going into it, and things progressed pretty quickly. He'd had feelings for me for a while, you know."

She laughed. "Yeah, I know. He had a serious thing for you for years. I think everyone but you knew it."

"I knew he had a crush on me. I didn't realize the extent of his feelings."

"Well, now you do. Greg's never been one to shy from a challenge, and you've been the biggest one of his life. Just don't break his heart, or you'll have me to answer to."

I patted my swollen belly. "I think you can see how committed I am right here. "

She smiled. "You're his whole world. Remember that."


	14. Chapter 14

Sorry this is taking so long. Between work and family and fostering 2 pregnant cats my life has been crazy lately. Anyhow, here goes.

Sara's story

(Laboring under false assumptions)

Week 36 came and went, followed by week 37 and week 38. Greg assured me daily that I was still the sexiest woman he knew, and since he followed that up with feeling me up and issuing various pornographic invitations I actually began to suspect that he was so deranged he actually meant it. I'd never expected to be sexually active in the thirty-ninth week, but somehow we still were. The fact that my belly looked and felt like a giant pumpkin wasn't slowing him down a bit. "Please, Sara," he breathed against my throat. "After the baby comes we won't be able to for six weeks..." He was slipping his hands under my clothing as he spoke. "That long could be the death of me. I hear prolonged abstinence is a leading cause of spontaneous human combustion."

I'd thought I would be on my feet when labor started, maybe doing something productive like mopping the kitchen floor or folding laundry - labor following labor, my toil being the trigger for our journey into parenthood. That wasn't how it happened. I was breathing hard when the first pain hit, alright, but I wasn't standing up, and I certainly wasn't working. I wasn't alone, either - I was clutched in the arms of an equally-winded Greg, whose sated grin evaporated at the feel of my swollen belly contracting under his hand. I gasped, and he looked at me in surprise. "That's a contraction."

I bit my lip and nodded. "I think so. " I sat up until the pain passes, then grabbed the T-shirt and pants he'd grabbed from my chest of drawers. "Let's go sit down in the living room and see what happens."

He smirked. "I never put a woman in labor before. That carries some pretty serious bragging rights, you know." I shot him a nasty look, and he snickered. "Joking, Sara. Grown men let private matters stay private."

I snorked, then gasped as another pain hit. "Four minutes," Greg said as he grabbed his car keys, then came over to take my hand. "I think this is really it."

Greg's story

(What goes in must come out)

The five-minute drive to Desert Springs Hospital felt like it lasted at least an hour. Sara had one contraction at a long stoplight three blocks from the hospital, and I glanced over at her. "Breathe, Sara. We're almost there."

"The suitcases..."

I smiled over at her. "Both in the trunk. I packed all four of the baby outfits you wanted, as well as blankets and going home stuff for you. Even put in a change of clothes for me."

"The camera."

"In a bag under the seat. Video camera's in the trunk."

"Baby car seat."

"Installed correctly in the back seat. Stop worrying, Sara. We have everything. All we have to do now is have a baby."

"Don't forget to call work."

"I have my cellphone. I'll make calls while you're in triage. Now quit fussing and just flow with it. We're having a baby, Sara. We're really about to become parents."


	15. Chapter 15

Very short chapter, in the interest of suspense...

Sara's story (Pulling into the delivery lane)

Triage was a small room containing several narrow stretchers flanked by various monitors and devices. All but one was occupied. Once we checked in I was given an open-backed gown and told to change into it. "Everything off," the nurse said brusquely. "Underwear too. When you come out, lie down here." She pointed at the one vacant stretcher.

I complied, and by the time Greg returned from making his calls I was hooked to a fetal monitor, IV, automatic blood pressure cuff, and blood oxygen monitor. The nurse was keying my information into a computer. "They'll be taking you up to your room in about five minutes."

I looked around at the other stretchers, all now vacant. "This place moves fast."

She smiled. "I like to get my ladies moved on so they can get settled before things get too intense. You'll both be more comfortable in your own birthing room. Oh, I see you're having another contraction. Remember to breathe."

Ten minutes later I was in my own room. The pains were now five minutes apart, and they were getting worse. It felt like an especially nasty charlie horse in my abdomen - it hurt like hell as it was clenching, but I always knew that with the relaxation would come relief. So far it was bearable - not fun, but I was coping.

"So did you get up with everybody?"

Greg smiled. "Almost. I got Nick, Grissom, Catherine, and Warrick's voicemail - also most of my family." His expression grew serious. "Sara, I have something to ask you."

"Sure. What?"

"The timing on this probably sucks, but here goes. You know that I love you and our baby more than anything in the entire world, right?"

"And I love you too."

He smiled. "Yes. And now we're going to be a complete family. I want us to be together forever, Sara." He swallowed hard and took my hand. "Will you marry me?"

He was all anxious and earnest, his grip on my hand tightening as he waited for my reply...


	16. Chapter 16

Greg's story

( A few choice words)

"Will you marry me?"

I held tightly to Sara's hand and waited for her reply. A few moments later her hand tightened around mine. "Oh, SHIT!" Not what a guy wants to hear immediately after asking the love of his life to be his wife, but I guess it comes with the territory when you propose to a woman in labor.

"Breathe," I said gently, brushing her hair out of her face. "That's it."

Finally her grip slackened. "Sorry about that. That one was pretty intense." She pulled my hand to her lips. "And back to the subject at hand. "

"Yes. Once again, will you marry me?"

"Yeah, I'll marry you."

I grinned. "Yes!"

She bit her lower lip pensively. "Under the circumstances I think we should go with something simple and private, fairly inexpensive. Town's full of wedding chapels, you know."

"I agree. We should do it soon, too."

She nodded. "Yeah, that'd be good. Whoo, here's another one..."

Five hours later I had a whole new respect for Sara Sidle. She had exhausted all of the normal swear words and after they'd given her a shot of Demerol she had begun randomly combining them just for variety. This was very entertaining, but I couldn't laugh because, after all, she was in extreme pain and giving birth to MY child. I had done this to her, a fact she had pointed out several times during labor, so it was only fair that I help her deal with the situation as best I could. Yes, as soon as the Demerol took effect I proceeded to teach her to curse in Norwegian. In the interest of being there for her, of course.

"Motherfucker in Norwegian is Morapuler. Try it, Sara. Say it."

"Mora - morawhatsy..."

"Morapuler. Now what is Eckley?"

"A morapuler!"

"Very good! And damn is svarte."

"Svarte."

"What's Eckley?"

"He's a svarte morapuler. "

"I love when you talk dirty to me. I love YOU."

"Mmm, I love you too. Even though this is all your fault. You impregnated me!"

"You weren't complaining at the time."

She smirked. "No, I wasn't. That's because I was having fun then. This just hurts. Oh, hell and shit, here's another one."

"Say it!"

"Svarte morapuler!"

"Great! Now breathe!"


	17. Chapter 17

Sorry this took so long. Did you think I'd forgotten? I didn't. This is a little short but it is, finally, an ending to the neverending story. Hope you like it!

Sara's story (She's getting pushy)

In movies, birth generally occurs within ten minutes of the start of labor. I'm a reasonable woman, fully aware that real life nearly always falls short of fiction, so I had resigned myself to the fact that my own experience would be considerably longer and more difficult. Eight or ten hours of suffering, I thought, maybe even twelve, then the ordeal would be over, our little family complete. I wasn't expecting that nineteen hours later I would still be be laboring away. At that point I was exhausted, frustrated, and almost ready to believe that the painful ordeal would never end. Yes, in a year I would still be in this bed, riding the waves of labor, Greg sitting dutifully by my side - though by then he'd have a beard and long, even scruffier hair, sort of a Norwegian punk Grizzly Adams look.

Another hour or three passed, then at long last my doctor leaned forward and said the three words every woman in labor desperately longs to hear : "You're fully dialated."

Then I started pushing. Now delivery is not fun - after all, you're basically pushing a small child down a tube the size of a garden hose . No great surprise that it hurts. It hurts a lot. No one tells you beforehand just how much it hurts because words are inadequate. I swore during labor. During the actual delivery, I just squeezed Greg's hand, squeezed and screamed. Finally, it happened - a frightening, slippery emptying followed by a cry, and I was a mother. "You have a daughter," said the doctor with a grin.

" I love you so much." Tears were running down his face and he turned to take our daughter in his arms. "Look at her, Sara. She's beautiful."

I stroked her cheek, so soft and tender, and she rooted toward it, then the nurse reached out and took her back from Greg. "Let me get her cleaned up and weighed, then you can nurse her."

Greg stroked my hair. "A year and a half ago I was loving you from afar. Now my wildest dreams have come true. Thank you, Sara."

"I can't believe we have a daughter."

The nurse slipped through to hand her to me. "A HUNGRY daughter. Take her like this... yes, that's it. Support her head."

She rooted around, then latched onto my breast and began suckling. "What are you naming her?" asked the doctor, who was glancing at my underpinnings as she spoke.

I looked at Greg. "Lisbet Olava, after your mother and grandmother."

He smiled. "Lisbet Olava Sidle-Sanders. Who knew?"

"This all seems almost unbelievable. We're a family."

"That we are." He sighed. "We've come a long way in eighteen months."

I chuckled. "That we have. Makes you wonder what the future holds, doesn't it?"

He squeezed my hand. "Life is really just a journey into the unknown - but we're traveling together now."

I sighed and snuggled as close as the bars of the hospital bed would allow. Lisbet, all pink and warm, was asleep in my arms. I'd wanted a baby, and now I had her and more. Yes, we HAD come a long way in a year in a half . We'd begun as two singlefriends who worked together, and now we were a chain of three links, forever connected. We had become a family.

finis


End file.
